The C Word

I got through the weekend and my quick transition to veganism. I get word that my folks will be here Tuesday. It can't get here fast enough.

In the meantime, I busy myself with my kids. I have two. One boy, one girl. My boy is fourteen, and my daughter is 11. Did I mention I homeschool? No, I don't wear denim jumpers. I really love being around my kids and teaching them has been one of the most amazing journeys. With homeschoolers come homeschool groups because people are always going to ask you about socialization and you want them to know you're still getting out and interacting with other people so you don't revert to talking like a parent/teacher all the time. Oh, and the kids get to hang out with other "socially awkward" homeschoolers.

So, we head out on Monday for a field trip at the BYU campus on Oahu. We get to pass by North Shore and Waimea and see the famous waves. We get to BYU in a small town call Laie and proceed to their Natural History Museum. If you go to Oahu and want to see the sites, you really don't have to go out of your way to check out the museum, unless you have a burning need to smell mothballs, freeze your tail off, and see stuffed animals- not the cute & cuddly kind- stuffed into a rather small room. While it's very impressive someone has gone through a lot of work to catalog and collect these animals, it's a long way to Laie from... well, from anywhere on Oahu. It did keep me from temporarily losing my mind staring at four walls and repeating the same lesson to my daughter on the Constitution while she mouth sleeps on my couch.

February 9, 2016

My parents arrive! Amidst a flurry of cleaning and organizing, my parents are here. I love my folks. We are very close. Being a military wife, I've found myself back "home" many times while my husband has been deployed. I didn't this time, because, well, HAWAII! No, really, I had felt strong enough on my own to do a deployment. We just bought a house and I wanted to get our kids hooked up into the community as soon as possible. Too, my husband was in Guam, which is a lot closer to Hawaii than New Mexico. So, the kids and I would take Space Available flights from the air force base to my husband's assignment in Guam. It was all working out so well...

An hour into welcoming my parents to Hawaii, the call came. Dr. S asks if I have time to talk. You know it's serious when those words come out. Because if it wasn't she'd just say, "It's benign, see your boobs next year." I grab my dad and head outside. It's cancer. Grade 3. Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. 

Have you ever had a head cold and your ears plug up? People are talking to you as you try to squeeze your nose and blow them out and they still stay clogged. Dang it's annoying. But, too, it kind of puts you in the same position as when your given news like this. People are talking to you and it's all kind of fuzzy. With my Daddy, I lose it. We're in front of a strip mall because we stopped for Korean before we headed to my house. A lady from Boy Scouts smiles and waves as she corrals her boys into the dentist. I wave back, looking pretty frightening. I can't even imagine the look she saw on my face. My husband says I give some really strange "What the...?" looks. He's even gotten some on camera. Not flattering. I make the universal sign for "I'll call you," which really means "I'll message you," because I'd rather have ingrown toenails removed than talk on the phone. It really is a problem.

Yes, I lose it in public. I have no shame, and if anyone were to trade places with me I'm sure they do the same. Then...then, I get my junk together. No, no cancer's not taking me. As I have seen since on breastcancer.org "I WILL NOT go gently into the night." I won't. I have too damn much to do still. I'm ready to fight. And after wiping my nose, putting on my big girl Wonder Woman panties, I'm going to knock cancer on its ass. Ready or not, here I come